The Words

It's like grammar got drunk and vomited all over the page.

Please Don’t Give Up On My Kid: An Open Letter to My Son’s Teachers

Dear Teachers, It's that time of year again. It comes every winter with the first snowfall. I can read it between the lines of the emails you…

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Country Roads

Last night I attended a meeting in a nearby town, a town so small it's seemingly not even a town at all but actually a tiny…

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The “War” Against Christmas

Dear Fellow Atheists, It's that time of year again when I'm reminded by Bill O'Reilly that there is a war against Christmas and we atheists are the (main)…

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Pictures

Illustrations and Shit

Witchy Woman

Available as a magnet from Zazzle.

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A Ghost Ate Your Halloween Candy

What lies do you tell your kids? Submit your lie and I'll make my favorites into comics. Add your name and email so I can…

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Latest Posts

Bad Boys

Every year when I was growing up,  my sister and I would carve pumpkins —  standard run of the mill jack-o-lanterns with triangles for eyes and jaggedly crooked mouths — haphazardly hacked with our father’s giant butcher’s knife. They were nothing like the intricate designs you can achieve now-a-days with a simple kit but since we didn’t know better we thought they were works of art and proudly displayed them on our

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Please Don’t Give Up On My Kid: An Open Letter to My Son’s Teachers

Dear Teachers, It’s that time of year again. It comes every winter with the first snowfall. I can read it between the lines of the emails you send letting me know my son’s failing every subject. I can hear it in the exasperation when we speak on the phone and you carefully craft your sentences, trying not to let on that you have no more solutions and have run out of patience. You’ll never say

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Country Roads

Last night I attended a meeting in a nearby town, a town so small it’s seemingly not even a town at all but actually a tiny village picked out of a Grimm fairy tale and plopped in the middle of our state. Also, this happened to be only a day after a major blizzard, which is a total shame on me for not considering when deciding to traipse all around East Bumfuck on this

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The “War” Against Christmas

Dear Fellow Atheists, It’s that time of year again when I’m reminded by Bill O’Reilly that there is a war against Christmas and we atheists are the (main) ones waging it. Of course if that’s the case, I’m the worst damn solider ever because I’m mostly too lazy to fight against anything, let alone a joyous holiday where people celebrate their most precious beliefs and I get a month-long stream of cookies practically shoved

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How to be the Fattest Fatty Ever This Thanksgiving

My family is a very popular and highly sought after demographic among those relatives and friends looking to beef up attendance at their Thanksgiving celebrations. Five people, three of whom are very small and adorable, easily fill a table without requiring much extra effort or food but bring the entertainment factor that all hosts desire. Worried about having a boring holiday? Not possible when there’s a toddler throwing yams at his brother

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